"25"

Today is August 25th, 2014 and today I turned 25... Wow. My whole life I have in some way always looked forward to/dreaded this day. It's my golden birthday, it's also the day I turn a quarter of a century. I thought for sure the days before this day I would be an emotional wreck, I mean what have I accomplished in life?! I'm a nanny with a college degree, I have a husband and a cat that I think is my baby. Those are great things, accomplishments, millstones but many times I see only the things I have yet to do and thought I would have by this age.

I tend to look at my life this way ALOT, a bit negative. But what I began to see in the days leading up to this day were not all the things I haven't done but rather all the things I have experiences and accomplished. I began to appreciate the life I have so much more than ever before. This is not a bragging moment but rather a moment to say to myself and to anyone reading "even if you haven't done all you want to do, there is still time and don't forget everything you HAVE DONE!".

I was positive I would have like three babies by now but I haven't one (besides Vivienne, I'm pretty sure no one counts her though). But seriously having no babies yet is the best ever! I want kids more than anything else in life but I know now it IS NOT the time. God has opened up so many opportunities for my husband and I that we could not have taken advantage of if we had kids. I don't even live in a full sized apartment, I live in a studio, never thought that would happen... But it is amazing! We save so much money and it honestly is perfect for us. I have a husband who is not what I ever would have expected... He is more amazing than I could have ever dreamed (even though we drive each other nuts). I have a steady job for three kids whom I absoluty love and a cat who literally is the light of my life.

I am not a mother, I do not own a home, I still have school debt, I haven't lost any weight I wanted to loose before the big 2 5 and sometimes I wish I had a job with people who could have a real GROWNUP conversation with me. Sometimes my life seems to be very little of what I thought it would be. But today I can honestly say I am not only content with it, I happy with it. I know there is time, I don't need to rush but rather keep on the steady pace I have been on. THERE IS TIME. I want to enter my 25th year celebrating the years I have lived and able to look forward to what has yet to come.

So instead of being depressed and dwelling on what I haven't accomplished I am excited for what will be one day and proud of all I have done so far. God has done so much in my life and led it in directions I never would have expected. I am overwhelmed looking back and thinking of all the people I have met, the relationships we have and all the times we have spent together. I realize now more than ever how so many of these people changed my life and I am so unbelievably thankful for them. Even if I had accomplished nothing in these 25 years, the friendships and family relationships I have alone would amount to a rich and beautiful quarter of a century.

So heres to 25 years of an incredible, difficult, beautiful, joyful, miserable, exciting, perfect with all its imperfections life! I am thankful for every moment, disappointment, accomplishment, mistake and choice I have ever had to make because they made me who I am today. I am excited and nervous for the next 25 years and cannot wait to see what they have in store! 

*Photos were taken by the amazing Heather Peters!

Sweet Vacation

On the agenda today, start "Confessions of an Ugly Stepsister" by Gregory Maguire, paint my nails (OPI  "Bareing it All" and Essie "Where's my Chaffeur"), drink tea while enjoying the smell of this pineapple candle, perhaps tan poolside... oh and do a freaking ton of laundry (not pictured hahaha).

I am currently on vacation and loving just about every second of it (minus the flea issue that I wrote about in my last post)! Last year I went to visit my sister in Florida during my summer week long vacay but this year I opted for a "staycation". There were several reasons for that decision (money, whether my husband should take time off after just starting his new job, leaving Vivienne...) and honestly in so many ways I actually find a staycation far more relaxing.

I'm a little home body. I love to be alone, watch my shows, eat Phineas and Ferb Mac and Cheese, read a little and just fall asleep whenever the mood hits. (On a side note, I never knew how perfect a cat is for this lifestyle. Adding Vivienne to the mix was the best thing I ever did for my introverted sole). I've also spent a great deal of time a Target shopping the clearance and going to several different Starbucks to greet the Baristas I can't typically see during my workweek, oh and of course to get an iced tea :).

I always have to laugh when the Baristas ask me "So where are you going if your on vacation?" and I respond "Home to do some cleaning!" then they say "Girl your suppose to be relaxing!". The funny thing is that is relaxing to me!!! I am not saying I am opposed to going on actual vacation but I am saying that I do not get the same rest during a destination vacation that I do on a staycation.

I actually sleep differently when I stay home for a week with nothing to do. I dream intense (very weird) dreams that I can literally tell are processing things I have been dealing with in my life. I also get the chance to do any of the deep cleaning I need to do (clean the fridge, reorganize the pantry and clean the shelves, perdge my closest for the millionth time...) and cook dinner every night without it being a burden!

It truly is amazing how when I have more spare time the things I typically see as burdens after a long day of work (cooking dinner, cleaning, organizing, even reading a book) become the little things I find the most joy in. Maybe its unhealthy or OCD of me but seriously I do not think I can be any happier than I am when I'm siting in a clean apartment reading a book (cat by my side), with dinner simmering on the stove knowing my husband will be home in an hour. Pure bliss I tell you!

If there was anyone out there wondering what I was up to on my vacation now you know! I think I will now put on some clothes (aka a bikini and coverup) and head to the grocery store before I change my mind and go directly to the pool with my book and tea ;). Oh how I love vacation!!!

Vivienne loves vacation too.

What You See IS NOT Always What You Get

Today I was abruptly woken by itchy ankles. My initial thought was "dang you razor burn" but upon further examination of the itchy area I realized it was something else... FLEA BITES (insert angry face, insert disgusted face, insert devastated face). Some of you may be thinking "Alexandra you have a cat, just get her flea prevention/treatment and all will be fine" and to those who are thinking this, thank you but it is not my cat that has fleas (yet) it is the apartment we live in!

This same exact thing happened last year, only 3 months after we moved into the apartment. The fleas were relentless but we managed to tame them after not one but two extermination attempts by professionals and one of our own. I was utterly disgusted that we had fleas and absolutely livid that they were in our apartment by no fault of our own seeing as we didn't even have our cat yet.

This year we do have a pet, little Vivienne, whom is an indoor cat. She DID NOT bring in these fleas!  Not to mention the fact that since we had the fleas last year I have been actively preventing them with natural products and extreme amounts of vacuuming. My apartment is clean gosh darn it, why oh why has this happened to us again?!!!

Okay my rant about these fleas is semi over... This post is actually about the parts of my life I let people see and the parts that I don't. For example the flea issue. For whatever reason everything within me was saying "Suffer in silence, don't tell anyone about this because it will make you look bad. People will think you don't take care of your cat or home". Here's the thing, maybe thats true, people may think that but why should I care? Why do I hide the parts of my life that aren't the most glamorous or perfect? The answer is PRIDE. It has nothing to do with feeling embarrassed but rather has everything to do with creating a "persona" or "facade" that is still me, but only the very best of me.

I cannot tell you the number of times I have posted Instagram pictures taken at angles so you can't see the pile of dirty dishes in my sink. Or the number of times I have made my husband retake a picture so you can't see my double chin. I have zillions of little tricks to make things look more "perfect" than they are but those trick will never change what actually is. Even if you can't see my double chin in a picture people it's still there! I can also currently take a picture of my apartment and hashtag it #cleanapartment because it looks spotless but guess what, it is still infested with fleas regardless of how clean it looks.

My point is a picture these days is sometimes not worth the typical thousand words, sometimes its only half the story. Instagram and Facebook make it easy to hide the things deemed not so perfect and make for an easy platform to build a glorious facade. I'm not by any means saying its bad to put good things on social media but I am saying that at least for me the issue is the need to hide things so that the good looks even more pristine.

Soooooo in conclusion sometimes I am fake, sometimes I post things (literally and figuratively) using tilt shift to blur out the "imperfectness" surrounding the "perfectness". Truth is I want things to look better than they are. What you see may be a reflection of me, but it is not always the clearest most complete reflection. There is no good reason to do this and not only is it unhealthy for me, it can be hurtful to others. No one's life is perfect and there is no need to make it seem as though mine is. So next time you see me post a picture I probably just threw all my clean laundry into the closet unfolded, unhung so it's not "messying up" my very necessary cat picture. Or if I post a picture of myself, assume it's the best I looked all week because I most likely just showered and won't for another 4 days... maybe 5 (yikes, I know).